If I Fits, I Sits
Somewhere along the way, Waylon came to the conclusion that being a 140-pound Great Dane should have absolutely no bearing on where he is permitted to sit. His requirements appear to be very simple:
Is there approximately six inches of available space?
Is someone I love already occupying most of it?
Perfect. I fits. I sits.
As you can see, “sitting” is also a fairly loose term in our house. Apparently only one butt cheek needs to make contact with the furniture for the attempt to count. The rest of the dog can just... hang off.
The Great Dane Rules of Personal Space
After four years of living with Waylon, I believe I have finally figured out the system.
Rule #1: Any seat containing a human still has room for a Great Dane. It doesn't matter how small the seat is. In fact, having a person already sitting there seems to make the spot more desirable. Why sit on an empty chair when you could sit directly on someone you love?
Rule #2: Any bed containing a Great Dane no longer has room for a human. This is particularly interesting because Waylon can somehow make himself fit onto approximately nine inches of a bench...but put him on a bed and he immediately requires the square footage of a studio apartment. And lying lengthwise apparently isn't an option. No. Diagonal. Always diagonal. Preferably with at least one leg positioned exactly where a human would normally sleep.
“Personal Space” Is Apparently a Human Concept
Great Danes are sometimes described as “Velcro dogs.” I think Velcro might actually provide more separation. Waylon doesn't necessarily want to be near you. He wants to be touching you. Leaning against you. Sitting on you. Lying across you. Standing directly in front of you while you're attempting to walk somewhere. And somehow, despite being enormous, he genuinely seems to believe he's being very accommodating. Look, Mom. I left you four inches. How thoughtful.
The Final Rule
After careful observation, I've determined the most important rule of Great Dane furniture etiquette: If 14% of the Great Dane fits, the Great Dane fits. And if absolutely none of the Great Dane fits? See previous rule.
Honestly, though, I wouldn't change it. Because someday I know I'll miss having this enormous creature trying to squeeze himself into spaces that were very clearly designed for something much smaller.
So for now, I'll scoot over.
Again.
Apparently...
He fits. He sits. 🐾
— Terry & Waylon
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