The Great Dane Sigh: A Story of Hardship From a Dog Who Has Everything

Some links in this post are affiliate links, which means Giant Paws Market may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. We only share products we genuinely use, love, or think are worth a look.

There is a sound every Great Dane owner knows.

It usually comes from somewhere soft like the couch, or one of the many giant dog beds, or a pile of freshly washed blankets. First, there is silence. Then...SIIIIIIIIIGH. Not a regular dog sigh. A deep, exhausted, I have carried the weight of this family on my shoulders for far too long sigh. Waylon does this. Frequently. And every time he does, I find myself wondering: What exactly has been so difficult for you today, sir?

A Typical Day of Suffering

Let's examine the evidence. Waylon wakes up in a climate-controlled home after sleeping on something considerably softer than many mattresses I've owned, or even in the bed with me. He goes outside to answer nature’s call on a manicured lawn, with dog friendly plants and flowers, that he meanders by on his way to drop a load. He comes back inside. Breakfast is served. Fresh water is available.There are toys.

Tomorrow, Waylon will wake up and bravely face another day.

There are blankets. There are comfortable places to lie down in nearly every room. There are people who love him. There are treats. And, despite all of this...SIIIIIIIIIGH.

Apparently, life has been terribly unfair.

Breakfast Was a Particularly Difficult Time

Imagine waking up hungry. You make your needs known. Your human prepares your breakfast. And then—and I hope you're sitting down for this—you are expected to wait several seconds while she finishes putting it together. Seconds! Possibly twelve of them. No Great Dane should be expected to endure this kind of hardship. Waylon survives. Barely.

Then I Had the Audacity to Go to Work

This may be my greatest offense. Apparently, Giant Paws Market is supposed to operate without its owner actually doing any work. I sit down at the computer. Waylon appears. He stares at me. I continue working. He stares harder, and begins to tap dance. I explain that somebody has to pay for the food, treats, toys and various XXL items required to maintain his lifestyle. He remains unmoved. Eventually, he walks away. Then, from somewhere behind me: SIIIIIIIIIGH. Management has filed a complaint.

His Working Conditions Are Appalling

For the record, Waylon is technically part of Giant Paws Market. His responsibilities include product testing, appearing handsome in photographs and occasionally providing absolutely no assistance whatsoever. It's demanding work, I know. Sometimes a product arrives and Waylon is expected to sniff it. Other times I take a picture of him. Occasionally, he must lie on something. We try not to overwork him. Still, I recently received word from the Director of Employee Relations—also Waylon—that product development had exceeded the allowable work-to-play ratio. The meeting was immediately relocated to the yard. I was instructed to bring the toy.

The Couch Situation Is Especially Tragic

Waylon has access to comfortable furniture. Unfortunately, sometimes a human is already sitting on it. This presents a problem. A Great Dane does not see a couch containing two humans and think: "There doesn't appear to be room for me." A Great Dane thinks: "Those people need to rearrange themselves." So we do. Waylon climbs up. He turns around approximately seventeen times. He lies down. He stretches. One person loses feeling in a leg. Another person is now sitting sideways. Waylon finally gets comfortable. And then... SIIIIIIIIIGH. Apparently we are exhausting.

There Was Also the Treat Incident

Waylon received a treat, freeze dried beef liver, his favorite! He ate the treat. The treat was gone. This was unexpected. He checked my hand. Nothing. He checked the floor. Nothing. He looked at me. I explained that he had, in fact, eaten it. He continued looking at me. I stood firm. For almost thirty seconds. He got another treat. I don't want to talk about it.

The Burden of Being Extremely Handsome

This is perhaps Waylon's greatest struggle. People notice him. People talk to him. People tell him he's handsome. People ask questions about him. People want to pet him. It's exhausting being this magnificent. He didn't ask for this life. He was simply born into it.

And Yet, Somehow, He Carries On

Tomorrow, Waylon will wake up and bravely face another day. There will be breakfast. There will be naps. There will be treats. There will probably be a walk. There will be toys. There will be people telling him what a good boy he is. And sometime during all of this, my deeply burdened Great Dane will collapse onto the couch, look around at the comfortable little life we've built around him...and release the saddest, longest, most dramatic sigh you've ever heard. I will look at him. He will look at me. And I'll say what Great Dane owners everywhere have probably said a thousand times:

“Waylon, your life is SO hard.”

SIIIIIIIIIGH.

I know, buddy.

Stay strong.

🐾

— Terry & Waylon

Giant Paws Market
Big dogs. Big love. Better finds.